feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
