i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
