oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
try to milk me bitch
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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