she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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