Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
