we have pet lesbian snakes
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
