I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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