Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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