You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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