I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
