VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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