is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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