Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
