i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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