R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
