hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
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