Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
