she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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