Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Randomize
