from now on my penis is your penis
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
