So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
