we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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