I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
