I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
