I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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