Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
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Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize