I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
