is your mom at the bar?
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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