i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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