just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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