Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
