He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
