the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
