Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
