i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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