grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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