I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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