can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
My pussy is not your playground.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
