quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
