He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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