I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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