my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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