The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
