so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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