So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
