Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
