I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
