just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
