We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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