so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
