I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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