aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
