last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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