do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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