you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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