He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
