Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
