oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize