thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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