She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
