so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
