ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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