So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Hippo gnu deer
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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