Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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