I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize